DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
