The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
