My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
