I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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