All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
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