grandma shit on top of the toilet
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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