Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
