I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
