That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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