i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
