My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
