It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
