my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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