I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
