she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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