Just took my morning after pill in the library
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
