So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
No subtext here. People are naked.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
