She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
