A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
