guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
