I love black thongs
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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