***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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