the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
