tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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