the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hippo gnu deer
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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