Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
