Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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