but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
