it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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