Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
