haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize