Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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