yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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