I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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