you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
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I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
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IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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