just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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