i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We left an ass print on the piano.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
