my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My vagina is officially offended.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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