I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I did not marry a roomba.
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