I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
