You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Church boner. Awkwardddd
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
