He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
