i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Houston, we have a blender
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
