I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Randomize
