After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
