Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
