Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
