I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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