After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Two words: blizzard sex
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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