Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
