you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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