I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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