Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
