I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
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