is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just gift wrapped bread.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
