I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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