Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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