From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
