Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
