Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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