We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.