Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
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bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
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Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.