I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
farters have to be the big spoon...
They should really pass out barf bags in church
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst