I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.