I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
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we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again