I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"