I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Randomize
