Moan for me like Helen Keller
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
