The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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