I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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