y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
