she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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