The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
