I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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