i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
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No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
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Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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