break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
