Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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