WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
