I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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