I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
