We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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