Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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