i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
