3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
